I’ve been pondering a lot about judgment. When does it happen? How does it slip past my awareness and how can I catch it and let it go more often? What does it feel like in my body when I notice I am judging? Who would I be if I dropped all judgment?
Big questions worth living into. It is a fierce practice.
Many mothers find that they judge themselves a lot. A big key word that can clue us into when we are judging is the word Should.
I should make more nutritious dinners. I should clean the house. I should get my baby to sleep through the night. I should… We use it all the time. We barely notice the painful hold it has on us.
When we notice we are should-ing on ourselves we might want to see how that feels in our body. Maybe it feels tight, constricted, heavy, dragged down. Just notice.
Then what? We can breathe, feel our feet on the ground, notice the sounds around us, feel of the air on our skin, come into this moment.
Ah. Now that we have some space we can ask some very important questions that come straight from The Work of Byron Katie (http://thework.com/en):
- Is it true? Is it true that I should have a perfect meal on the table? A clean house? A baby who sleeps through the night?
- Can I absolutely know that it is true? Really go slow here and take a moment to ask again. Usually when “should” is at play there is a belief, story or thought running that we can question because it is likely not true.
- What happens when I believe that thought? Usually believing the untruthful takes away from us- we feel bad, sad, low. It takes us farther away from our true nature and this moment.
- Who would I be without the thought? What if you could drop it (you don’t have to but what if)? What if that thought just never occurred to you? Many times relief comes flooding in when we drop what isn’t true for us.
Asking these simple questions can change your perspective and possibly your life. Once the thought drops we naturally come home to ourselves and are more alive in this moment. Able to be who we are without condition. And this allows our partners and children to be who they truly are, too!